# The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck ## Metadata * Author: [Mark Manson](https://www.amazon.comundefined) * ASIN: B019MMUA8S * ISBN: 0062641549 * Reference: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S * [Kindle link](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S) ## Highlights The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. — location: [253](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=253) ^ref-46252 --- Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the — location: [256](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=256) ^ref-33745 --- Albert Camus said (and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t on LSD at the time): “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” Or put more simply: Don’t try. — location: [264](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=264) ^ref-19409 --- If pursuing the positive is a negative, then pursuing the negative generates the positive. The pain you pursue in the gym results in better all-around health and energy. The failures in business are what lead to a better understanding of what’s necessary to be successful. Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance. — location: [275](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=275) ^ref-1329 --- Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. — location: [280](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=280) ^ref-38034 --- Subtlety #1: Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different. — location: [321](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=321) ^ref-9926 --- doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble. We — location: [340](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=340) ^ref-60268 --- This is what is so admirable. No, not me, dumbass—the overcoming adversity stuff, the willingness to be different, an outcast, a pariah, all for the sake of one’s own values. — location: [342](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=342) ^ref-1302 --- failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do what they believe in anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than they are, more important than their own feelings and their own pride and their own ego. They say, “Fuck it,” not to everything in life, but rather to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. — location: [344](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=344) ^ref-22786 --- there’s no such thing as a lack of adversity. — location: [351](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=351) ^ref-38639 --- The point isn’t to get away from the shit. The point is to find the shit you enjoy dealing with. — location: [353](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=353) ^ref-3932 --- Subtlety #2: To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity. — location: [355](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=355) ^ref-48627 --- when a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. — location: [370](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=370) ^ref-63409 --- Subtlety #3: Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about. — location: [376](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=376) ^ref-31197 --- “That’s what you get for giving a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a fuck.” — location: [387](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=387) ^ref-17274 --- some suffering is always inevitable—that — location: [408](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=408) ^ref-10309 --- because greatness is merely an illusion in our minds, a made-up destination that we obligate ourselves to pursue, our own psychological Atlantis. — location: [412](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=412) ^ref-14682 --- nonetheless. Years later, the prince would build his own philosophy and share it with the world, — location: [457](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=457) ^ref-7065 --- pain and loss are inevitable and we should let go of trying to resist them. — location: [459](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=459) ^ref-30550 --- pain and misery aren’t a bug of human evolution; they’re a feature. — location: [484](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=484) ^ref-30648 --- it’s not always beneficial to avoid pain and seek pleasure, since pain can, at times, be life-or-death important to our well-being. — location: [495](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=495) ^ref-62963 --- “Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.” — location: [514](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=514) ^ref-12663 --- Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded. — location: [523](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=523) ^ref-28808 --- To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; — location: [527](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=527) ^ref-16951 --- True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving. — location: [532](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=532) ^ref-21401 --- Emotions are simply biological signals designed to nudge you in the direction of beneficial change. — location: [558](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=558) ^ref-59913 --- negative emotions are a call to action. — location: [561](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=561) ^ref-8787 --- Positive emotions, on the other hand, are rewards for taking the proper action. — location: [562](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=562) ^ref-22059 --- “hedonic treadmill”: the idea that we’re always working hard to change our life situation, but we actually never feel very different. — location: [580](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=580) ^ref-19745 --- The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. What we gain is also what we lose. What creates our positive experiences will define our negative experiences. — location: [582](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=582) ^ref-42683 --- “What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?” — location: [594](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=594) ^ref-59323 --- What determines your success isn’t, “What do you want to enjoy?” The relevant question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The path to happiness is a path full of shitheaps and shame. — location: [613](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=613) ^ref-62899 --- I — location: [628](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=628) ^ref-26985 --- was in love with the result—the — location: [628](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=628) ^ref-64088 --- but I wasn’t in love with the process. — location: [629](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=629) ^ref-6274 --- this assumed inability to solve our problems causes us to feel miserable and helpless. — location: [808](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=808) ^ref-27221 --- This entitlement plays out in one of two ways: 1.   I’m awesome and the rest of you all suck, so I deserve special treatment. 2.   I suck and the rest of you are all awesome, so I deserve special treatment. — location: [826](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=826) ^ref-41902 --- The truth is that there’s no such thing as a personal problem. If you’ve got a problem, chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to have it in the future. Likely people you know too. That doesn’t minimize the problem or mean that it shouldn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean you aren’t legitimately a victim in some circumstances. It just means that you’re not special. — location: [837](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=837) ^ref-38765 --- The more freedom we’re given to express ourselves, the more we want to be free of having to deal with anyone who may disagree with us or upset us. The more exposed we are to opposing viewpoints, the more we seem to get upset that those other viewpoints exist. The easier and more problem-free our lives become, the more we seem to feel entitled for them to get even better. — location: [850](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=850) ^ref-16604 --- The Internet has not just open-sourced information; it has also open-sourced insecurity, self-doubt, and shame. — location: [891](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=891) ^ref-53314 --- We all deserve greatness. The fact that this statement is inherently contradictory—after all, if everyone were extraordinary, then by definition no one would be extraordinary—is missed by most people. — location: [896](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=896) ^ref-43159 --- This sort of thinking is dangerous. Once you accept the premise that a life is worthwhile only if it is truly notable and great, then you basically accept the fact that most of the human population (including yourself) sucks and is worthless. And this mindset can quickly turn dangerous, to both yourself and others. The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much better. — location: [905](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=905) ^ref-10674 --- Take a moment and think of something that’s really bugging you. Now ask yourself why it bugs you. Chances are the answer will involve a failure of some sort. Then take that failure and ask why it seems “true” to you. What if that failure wasn’t really a failure? What if you’ve been looking at it the wrong way? — location: [1060](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1060) ^ref-8027 --- What is objectively true about your situation is not as important as how you come to see the situation, how you choose to measure it and value it. Problems may be inevitable, but the meaning of each problem is not. — location: [1092](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1092) ^ref-27502 --- you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success. — location: [1134](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1134) ^ref-54248 --- Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable. Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, and 3) not immediate or controllable. — location: [1225](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1225) ^ref-11440 --- Some examples of good, healthy values: honesty, innovation, vulnerability, standing up for oneself, standing up for others, self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility, creativity. — location: [1233](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1233) ^ref-6105 --- Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we chose it, and that we are responsible for it. — location: [1282](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1282) ^ref-31993 --- There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. — location: [1326](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1326) ^ref-28847 --- “With great responsibility comes great power.” The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them. — location: [1354](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1354) ^ref-21009 ---